Devon Zdatny

Here’s the follow up to “10 Steps to Being Hated on Twitter”! If you want people to truly despise you on Facebook, unfriend you and mock you, here are some awesome tips!

1. Don’t use your real name
People use Facebook for leisure; therefore they would really hate to spend that time utilizing their detective skills to figure out who the hell you are. A common method is to use your middle name as your last name.

2. Update your profile picture daily
This is especially effective when you say things like “OMGZ! I look SO terrible here!” as the caption.

3. Comment on everyone’s status & like everyone’s photo
Especially now that Facebook puts almost every action on the Newsfeed or Mini-feed, it will be really obnoxious when you are all up in everyone’s business. Do it.

4. Complain about every change Facebook makes
Facebook really only changes their layout to annoy you, and only you. Voice your opinion about new layouts, even though you have absolutely no design or development experience whatsoever.

5. Talk in-depth about your personal life
Take the term “TMI” to the next level. Share everything: bad breakups, fights with your parents, bowel movements, stuff like that.

6. State really obvious facts constantly
Perfect examples of this: It’s snowing! OMG I hate homework! THE (insert sports team name here) WON! I hate Mondays! Ugh my parents are SO annoying.

7. Post lyrics from Top 40 songs
Clichés really annoy anyone with half of a brain. This step may be faulty due to the fact that most of society fails to achieve this 50% quota.

8.  Connect all of your social media platforms
Make sure you link your Tumblr, Twitter, Foursquare and Pinterest to your Facebook account. Not only will you consume everyone’s feed, but you will also be sending out additional information that no one cares about.

9. Send people application requests
If people want to use an application such as Farmville, they will most likely do so on their own. Therefore, sending them something they have absolutely no interest in is brilliant. Top Apps to request: Farmville and Mafia Wars.

10. Say things like “Click like if you want me to rate you”
I have nothing to say about this one. It’s just absolutely juvenile. I’m positive your friends will agree.

If you want people to truly despise you on Twitter, unfollow you, block you, or simply consider you a social media leper, here are 10 easy steps to achieve that!

1. Be too serious
Make sure to only tweet about business & industry related things. Avoid having any form of personality on your Twitter.

2. Tweet constantly
People will get really sick of only seeing your name on their feed. Make sure to get a tweet out every 3-4 minutes.

3. Retweet everything
Because if your followers really wanted to hear what everyone you’re following is saying, they would have just followed them.

4. Tweet links with no context
People hate having no context of where they’re going. Make sure not even to include the title of the article you’re posting.

5. Tweet when you’re drunk
Your followers probably have no interest in hearing about the color of your vomit. Make sure to go into explicit detail.

6. Use terrible grammar & punctuation
People really love being able to easily understand what they’re reading. Make sure to often confuse “there” and “their” and throw in a semicolon randomly in the middle of a sentence.

7. Have a “following policy”
Constantly use the hashtag #teamfollowback and only follow people that follow you rather than following people that post quality content.

8. Complain about everything
Everyone hates a Debbie Downer. This is your shot. Embrace your inner emo kid.

9. Don’t respond to anyone
People love to be acknowledged and responded to in a timely manner. Avoid responding to anyone that tweets at you. If you must respond, wait at least one week.

10. Link your Foursquare to your Twitter
People hate spam, so tell them where you are at every minute of every day. Make sure you post the places you go every day such as work and Starbucks. To really piss people off, make your bathroom a venue.

Good luck! Please feel free to comment letting me know exactly how many followers you lose and share all of the angry comments you receive.

If you are managing a Facebook Fan Page, especially one of a small business, you’ve probably been burdened with what I call ‘content crickets’. Just because you have nothing to say, does not mean that you should be quiet.

Here are a few ways to fill in the blanks when you’re short on content:

- Google Alerts: set up Google Alerts for your industry. For instance, I manage the Facebook Page for Murray’s Chicken. So, I set up a Google Alert for “chicken”. Things can get pretty weird, trust me. Yet, every once in a while, I find something quite awesome. If you work in a huge industry like “fashion” you probably want to narrow down your search to something more specific such as “children’s fashion”. Click here to create a Google alert!

- Tumblr Search: Log in to Tumblr (If you don’t have an account, make one. What decade are you in?) On the right hand side you will find a search bar. Try typing in a bunch of different keywords to find something related to your business. This is a great way to find truly unique content such as images, videos and quotes. Make sure you save your searches by clicking “track tag” on the right hand side of the page, so that next time you’re looking for content… BAM!

- YouTube: This one should be obvious, guys. YouTube Videos are golden on Facebook. Post things that are not only relevant, but short and entertaining. Try and type in an adjective to supplement your search such as ‘funny’ or ‘cute’ to find better results.

- ImgFave: ImgFave is great resource for images that are unique and not quite your average Google Image search. Head over here to spice up your Facebook posts a bit.

- Ask your fans!: Come up with some sort of campaign where you can outsource to your fans for content. Ask them to submit baby pictures, recipes, funny videos, or whatever you can make relevant to your brand. Your fans are your best resource. You’ll be surprised what you receive.

Some more tips:

- Try to vary your posts. My general rule of thumb is that I try to post one of the following per week

• Video
• News Article
• Photo
• Blurb to fans

- Keep it on topic. Don’t stray too far from your general point or the content crickets will die in vein.

- Ask questions in your posts to create more noise, further murdering the content crickets.

P.S. I do not actually kill crickets. Please do not contact PETA.

It’s here: my most badass business venture yet, www.fbcoverpix.com. With the combined forces of Jeff Weisbein of BestTechie and myself, we have put together a website that will complement Facebook’s new layout, ‘Timeline’.

If you have not yet heard the news, Facebook will be releasing its new layout, Timeline, to gen pop as soon as they can pull themselves out of the courtroom. Timeline will have a feature, cover picture: a large image that will be at the top of your profile. (see below)

Fbcoverpix.com will be a database of images that people can use to spice up their profile with high-quality photos and graphics from talented photographers and graphic designers. Once users sign in, they can upload and share their own images and even favorite and comment on images by others. They also have the ability to choose to keep their images private. Most importantly, the website looks great and is easy to use.

Our goal is to create a community that people rely on for the best cover pictures available. In order to do that, we are looking for talented contributors that are either graphic designers or photographers. To apply for a contributor positions, please apply here.

Under the probable circumstances that you cannot physically wait to use our website, check out our tutorial to activate Timeline. Please spread the word and let me know your thoughts!

Jeff Weisbein and I have put together a list of the absolute worst types of Twitter bios. If your bio possesses any similarities to these, I’m not sorry.

1. The Unemployed Bio
ex. “I’m a serial entrepreneur”

2. The Make Money 1….2…3… Bio
ex. “Make money from social media FAST!”

3. I Like to Impose my Viewpoint Bio
ex. “I HATE OBAMA!”

4. The eBay Success Story Bio
ex. “Work from home”

5. The Solicitor Bio
ex. “I’m a Recruiter”

6. The I need more followers so I’ll beg bio
ex. “Follow me!”

7. The Over-Explanatory Bio
ex. “I tweet about…”

8. The Anti-Social Bio
ex. “Don’t follow me if…”

9. The Unsure Bio
ex. “IDK What to say here”

10. The Belieber Bio
ex. “Justin Bieber is my everything!”

11. The No-bio
ex. *crickets*

12. The #Hashtag Bio
ex. #teamfollowback

13. The Self-Promoter Bio
ex. “Buy my e-book!”

14. The SCREAMING AT YOU Bio
ex. “HI MY NAME IS AMBER AND I LOVE SHOPPING!!!!”

15. The Nothing About You Bio
ex. “Is this thing on?”

16. The Wannabe Marketer Bio
ex. “I’m a Social Media Expert”

17. The False Identity Bio
ex. “I’m a ninja”

18. The I Really Want You To Know Where I Am Bio
ex. “NEW JERSEY REPRESENT!”

19. I’m Too Important To Shrink My Bio Bio
ex. “I can’t fit it all here! Go check out my website!”

20. The Inflated Bio
ex. https://twitter.com/KimKardashian